FWD:FWD:Ah the first sign of Spring warm breezes pink petals sway toward the

Ah, the first sign of Spring,
warm breezes, pink petals
sway toward the fluffy clouds,
Ah, the first sign of Spring
I love you so.

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FWD:FWD:Ah the first sign of Spring warm breezes pink petals sway toward the

Ah, the first sign of Spring, warm breezes, pink petals sway toward the fluffy clouds, Ah, the first sign of Spring I love you so.

http://www.youtube.com/user/RikkuDeBlitzbalQueen#p/a/u/0/vg1ivfEr_iw

Please check this out.  It speaks to the heart and really touches times and places where we all have been. 

Thanks,

Sabienne

Manic Poem Writing

I can't sleep, mind is racing too much. We had snow today, which is rare in PA for October. So, I wrote a poem. Sometimes I love being manic because it seems like it's when I write the best stuff and I hope to be done a book in a few weeks. Please let me know what you think.
Finally finished my White Halloween poem. Please let me know what you think"
White Halloween
© 2011 by Jessica Marie. All rights reserved and no copying.
I’m dreaming of a white Halloween
none like the ones I knew before;
what’s that above the frozen flake, the ghoul queen?
Dressed in her finest black and purple hat
and ghosts hide and play,
under snowy grass, waiting to attack and spook
trick-or-treaters haunting streets all day,
rob them blind of their Pay Days and Milky Ways,
but what about Dracula’s fangs or red wax lips—
gnashing and gnawing, can they save their booty?
No, no match to the invisible ghosts and their finger tips,
and the ghoul queen, green as could be,
hungry not for blood, but a good treat.
So, I’m dreaming of a white Halloween,
like none of the ones I knew before,
where invisible ghosts due to eight inches of snow,
mean no harm, it’s only fear and lore,
and hunger for candy not eaten in years,
but they will share with trick-or-treaters
and the scarecrows of the lawns and the ghoul queen,
trick all night of blood jelly fill the liters—
unlike the horrors and the frights;
I’m dreaming of a white Halloween
not like the ones I used to know,
where I can befriend ghost and a ghoulish queen.

(Young Lust) Love Poem

(Young Lust) Love Poem




Dear Clay,

I write to you,

not only because my love

is too strong, it’s true—

I digress, I write to you,

because I will be sending along

my green jersey, #52, worn through

and blessed by the glory of Lambeau,

a pilgrimage I will never forget;

saving money high and low

to see this wonderful shrine, the team and you!

But, anyway, I digress again,

I write to you, I know, I’m past due;

in two weeks’ time I will be buying anew,

#52 is peeling from too much wear,

and living in Philadelphia (boo!)

I get heckled ten-fold from mad

Eagles’ fans crazy for Vick

(in which ways I am not sure, some call him bad).

So, if you would please,

considering how much I love you,

please sign my favorite jersey;

it’s the least you can do—

coming all the way from Philly

to see and love you

and harassed for my team spirit,

it would mean the world to me,

to see my jersey and hear it

(that you signed my jersey, I’d smile and gloat in glee)

that Clay Matthews lovingly signed

my favorite, worn out, faded green jersey.

(though worn out would be an understatement,

as anyone who knows me can testify,

that my love for you and the Packers is a testament

to the fact that I bleed green and yellow,

and wins that make you 6-0 fill me with joyous bellows.)



Love (and forever yours),

Jessica



P.S. You will find attached to this letter,

a picture of me this Halloween dressed up as you,

to get an idea that is much better

than this letter can ever express to you,

that my fanaticism runs deep and is true.



(P.S.S: Although I will never be an Eagles fan,

I forgive your brother that he sold his skills

to this “dream team,” the Ducks should ban—

but, I understand; it’s a career start,

and could provide interesting competition when you two no longer part.)

And so One More Minute Ticks By

A Realization...Thank you “Katie”!

Time changes much.  I have dwelt quite a bit on recent events, and tried to make changes for the better.  I have tried to be more aware of everything my words could possibly mean, I have tried to avoid topics or forums that I fear will bring about anything less than total peace.  I have tiptoed.  I have guarded.  I have adopted paranoia for a time. 

But a recent occurrence outside of this place has brought something back into sharp focus for me.  Something I held most dear and most special when I first came here.  And I swore it would be my way of dealing with things in it's entirety.  I would never stray from this path.  But I did.  I became afraid.  I became so afraid.  And so I tried to pull back into my little shell, again.  And even pulling back and hiding, it seemed everything I touched turned dark and bleak because I dared to glance at it. 

I learned a lesson this weekend.  A very strong and powerful lesson. 

Never let anything make you willingly stray from the truth of who and what you are! 

I came here and my promise to myself was to be completely truthful and honest and open in everything I did/said.  To not throw up my guard.  But to be accepting of everything around me and everyone and try as best as I could to truly understand others and their journeys.  Because we have all come from places that no one can understand like we, ourselves, can.  And that uniqueness has the potential to create a community stronger and better than any other support site. 

But, when we begin to be afraid, paranoid, feel as though we do not fit, or do not belong...  When we let fear and uncertainty reign free in our hearts and minds, all that will be bred from our words will be fear, uncertainty, and only enough care and compassion as we believe we can spare without being hurt, ourselves. 

And how do we relate?  Everything we relate to, we relate by finding similarities from our own experiences!  How else can we invoke understanding and compassion from our hearts to it's fullest?  By finding something we do understand.  That is not to say that one will ever fully understand and be able to relate to another, but through this manner, we can do so as best as is possible for each of us. 

Within my mind, these thoughts have been restless for release.  But they had not been truly understood.  They have now.  I do understand that now. 

I am "young", yes.  I have no qualms about saying, that like everyone here, I need guidance at times.  I make mistakes, sometimes too many.  But show me a soul who does not. 

My lesson I learned,

Never let anything make you willingly stray from the truth of who and what you are! 

The moment you do, you have failed yourself and someone who needed you.

And so, yes, I am going back to my ways from the beginning.  I will be truthful.  Honest and true.  I will try always to understand where others are coming from, yet, with the knowledge that I can only understand to a point, for I have not lived their lives.  I will be open.  I have been warned by friends here to guard myself.  No.  If I pull back into that shell and peek out fearfully....I will be less than what I am.  I will not be me. 

And it was the openness of my heart and mind, the compassion that sprouts from truth and a deep desire to understand that allowed me to make a decision this weekend.  A decision all were telling me to choose the other path.  But I remained true to my heart and who I am. 

Now I know the truth.  Now I understand, as best as a soul can another soul.  And I have grown a little older, a little wiser, and the love I considered rebuking and letting drown from indignation, embarrassment and anger...has shone strong and steady through all of this. 

I do not have a Katie to think of and pray for and call a little sister.  But I do have a Natalie to pray for and to think about, and to love.   For in all of the pretending, I have no doubt that much of who she is was a part of who Katie was. 

I can never thank Natalie enough for teaching me this lesson, nor can I thank her enough for bringing a very special light into my life....her.  And, yes, my love for Katie was also a love for Natalie.  I hope one day I will be able to talk to her again, and maybe even become friends. 

Follow your heart,  your soul and never, never, never rebuke who you are...when you do...you will fall and fail someone somewhere, even if it is only you. 

I finally feel at peace.

6 Month

Six months--
the clouds take the sky again;
gray and foreboding, how, why, when?
bang, bang-- the thunder cracks -- boom,
teeming, blue, frigid violent waters loom;
numb, terrified, the salt fills my lungs.
How, why, when, my tears have stung
my raw, white-blue cheeks, the waves crash,
pulling me under, your screaming clash;
the cacophony of confusion-- gurgling water and cries--
I want to save you, my heavy heart lies,
unconscious, drowned, defeated upon the shores.


Six months--
the clouds take the sky again;
I want to scream, has anything changed?
The guilt that gnashes, I wanted,
I could have saved you; why, why, why?
these wounds and voices will never leave me,
as darkness embraces me,
a hollow realization visits, haunting--
six months, am I any stronger?




Today marks the 6 month anniversary of Jim and the McAndrew family's death. Let us take a moment of silence for Jim and his family.